Tom’s Trust has pledged to support the Anti Bullying Alliance’s ‘Anti-Bullying Week 2024’ and we are using the week to highlight the real problem and worry that bullying is for those children we support.
We know that bullying is sadly, an all-too-common experience for school-aged children. As many as one in four of all children will experience bullying at some point growing up. However, for children returning to school after cancer treatment, these numbers are even higher, with between 32% and 49% reporting some form of bullying.
What is bullying?
Bullying can take different forms, such as direct bullying which includes physical or verbal aggression; indirect bullying through social exclusion or rumour spreading and cyber-bullying. Illness specific teasing is a form of bullying which seems to be more common (up to 60%) in children with a physical health condition and one of our families has spoken about their child being ignored, which is often one of the most painful experiences for our children.
Friendships after a brain tumour
Children diagnosed with brain tumours face numerous challenges, one of the most significant being the difficulty in forming and maintaining the friendships they would naturally have had in their community and schools due to cognitive impairments and life-altering disabilities. Peer relationships are one of the most important factors in a child feeling valued and normal and become even more important in approaching adolescence.
There may be things that make our children vulnerable to bullying that we cannot change, such as a physical difference, learning needs or just difference of experience. There are some factors though that may be more possible to influence, such as self-esteem, assertiveness and anxiety levels (Ditch the Label, 2019).
We know that having strong, supportive friendships can be hugely protecting for a child, in terms of having other people to stand up for them, for building healthy self-esteem and increasing resilience where teasing and bullying does occur.
Returning to school after treatment
Preparing your child, their friends and the school is very important before they return. You may want to set up a meeting with the class teachers and the school SENCo to think about what your child might need and what their peers might need to know. Cerebra have produced this helpful document that you may wish to share with your school and work through together.
This, by Young Lives Vs Cancer, is also a great resource for teachers, to help them communicate confidently with school children about childhood cancer, as well as help pupils understand the illness and how they can support their classmate.
Tom’s Trust clinical psychologists will support our families with their return to school following treatment. Dr Meghan Owens, Tom’s Trust clinical psychologist at Alder Hey says: “A big part of our work is to support children back into school. After a neuropsychological assessment we will make suggestions to a child’s school on how they can adapt their curriculum and school environment to meet the needs of that child. A lot of schools have never had a child who has gone through a brain tumour diagnosis. We help to make the transition as smooth as possible. Children can lose confidence and look visibly different. It isn’t enough to just support the child, we need to be involved with the family and the school – facilitating the whole system around that child to support the child.”
Looking after yourself too
As a parent or carer, fearing or knowing that your child is being bullied, can be very difficult for you too. It is normal to worry that you should have done something differently, that you have let your child down in some way or to experience fears for the future. This can leave you feeling very anxious and sad. It is important to look after yourself too and seek help, advice and support when you’re struggling. If your own support system isn’t feeling enough, then do reach out to your GP or, if you have access to one, your Tom’s Trust clinical psychologist for advice on caring for yourself as well as for your child.
