Supporting children through bereavement

Grieving is a long and sometimes difficult process. It can be tricky to know what is normal and when you might need to access more support.  

Grief is messy 

We no longer tend to think about grief as happening in stages, so don’t worry if you or your child are not going through the stages in this way. Real grief is far messier and unpredictable. In general, though, during normal grieving, people tend to fluctuate between feeling hopeful and happy, back to feeling sad and focused on their loss. Over time, those hopeful and positive days will become more frequent and last longer.  

Asking for help 

If you notice that your child is having mostly down days, they seem overly anxious, not sleeping, having nightmares, not eating, or you’re concerned about a significant change in their behaviour, then do ask for help and advice from your healthcare professional. Professionals would always rather see a healthy child and give you reassurance, than to not see a child that is suffering and in need of support.   

You can also speak to your Tom’s Trust clinical psychologist if you have one, for advice or support in talking to a child about a death. Some people need the space to talk through their own thoughts, feelings and understanding first before talking to a child. Sometimes it is helpful to work together, with their expertise and your deep understanding of your child, to enable you to feel more confident in communicating with your child about death and dying.   

Read our Six things to remember when talking to children about death and dying leaflet