Childhood cancer affects many families in the UK. In fact, around 1800 children are diagnosed in the UK every year. 600 of those are children diagnosed with a brain tumour. When including adults there are around 375,000 new cancer cases in the UK every year, that’s around 1,000 every day. Despite the impact that a cancer diagnosis has on children, there is often little support available for parents to communicate their, or a siblings, diagnosis.
What to say to a child about a family cancer diagnosis
You may feel anxious that you will be expected to know lots of things about cancer. Try not to worry. You are not expected to have any medical knowledge or to be expert in anything. Supporting a child or young person just needs compassion, a bit of time, and some common sense.
Clinical Psychologist, Louise, says: “There is no ‘perfect’ thing to say, and children don’t expect you to know it all. Giving them your time and being led by what is important to them is what really matters. It is okay to just validate a child’s experience – telling them that sounds really hard/sad/worrying. When you don’t know the answer to a question, it’s okay to say so or that you can try to find out a way to find the answer.”
Rally key adults in a child’s life
It is helpful for children to have a relationship with someone outside of the home, that they know will be around for a while. Someone they can talk to without worry about burdening a parent, in the absence of formal psychological support. This could be a teacher, a sports coach, or extended family such as an aunt or cousin.
5 tips for supporting children through a family cancer diagnosis
1. Keep routines as normal as possible
2. Look after yourself, call in your support network
3. Ensure school is aware of your family’s situation
4. Reach out to charities that can support you, like Tom’s Trust. We are the UK’s only charity dedicated to providing mental health support to children, with brain and central nervous system (CNS) tumours, and their families
5. Download our Sibling Toolkit.
Tom’s Trust Sibling Toolkit
This blog includes extracts from our Sibling Toolkit which was designed to help key adults help the siblings of children with cancer. Since we launched it, we have had feedback that is also of use to parents facing a cancer diagnosis, to help them talk to their children. It’s a free to download 40-page manual which has gone through extensive feedback, written by leading clinical psychologists, led by Dr Sarah Verity, Paediatric Neuropsychologist at the Great North Children’s Hospital, and funded by Tom’s Trust. If you are facing a cancer diagnosis in your family and you need to support children through it, please do download the Sibling Toolkit and share with your school, extended family, and support network. We really hope it helps.